Alternative Measures...

There were a lot of reactions in the recent petrol hike situation and rightly so. Most of which included mostly cursing the government and so on. I on the other hand have been thinking what if we take this as a blessing in disguise,a warning. Don't think I have lost my mind. I have a logical explanation to  that statement. ( at least think it's logical). So read on!

To explain things a little better I am going to give you guys a little bit of history. Robert Moses and Jane Jacobs were two great thinkers of how a city should be planned in the earlier 19th century. Moses was an ace architect who changed the look of America and its cities. Newyork  in the early 19th century was a very different sight. You hardly saw a car on the road,no flyovers or bridges. All you saw were hundreds of people on the roads either walking or cycling to their destinations. The road was a playground for kids. The only other mode of transport was the horse cart.  As science progressed the car was invented, and slowly but surely you saw hundreds of them on the road. Suddenly the streets were a mess there wasn't any traffic control and space leading to jams and accidents. This is when Robert Moses came in and said he had a solution. He started building flyovers and bridges everywhere. As the roads became wider and better, the car also became much more affordable. The sight on the streets changed. You saw less and less pedestrians, no more children playing on the streets. The city was now planned only for cars and not for people.

Jane jacobs was an arch rival of the Moses philosophy. Moses would just break down the houses of the poor people leaving them homeless for the purpose of making his flyovers. Jane's argument was very simple. She asked a fundamental question , " We want our cities made for the car or for it's people?' .  A city should be safe for its children to walk on the road. At that time Jane was just brushed off by Moses. He said she had no architectural knowledge. (she wasn't a qualified architect). Though Jane was brushed off at that time today people in the States are going back to what she said and actually seeing her way of looking at cities as right.

This change of perception is not just in the states but also inmost of Europe ,is mainly because of the depletion of natural resources, especially oil and petrol.  The pollution and the vast amount of damages to health is another cause of concern. They have started realising that if do not alter our ways right away our next generations will have nothing left to use. Also cutting down of trees and forests also hills to make roads is hampering nature. Also the streets are increasingly isolated from children and pedestrians.America is still just starting to make changes in the way they build there cities. Though Europe especially Copenhagen and Amsterdam are way ahead of the curve.  They are fighting for the place of the most liveable city in the world.

The Danish architect Jan Gehl is the chief man in making Copenhagen such a people friendly city. He emphasised on a very good public transport system, trains and buses.  Then he gave top priority to bicycles on the road. The roads in the city are the most bicycle friendly. He has turned most of the parking spaces into people's spaces,as in into markets and pubs. Also in various cities including London. They have a system called congestion pricing. Every car that enters a busy city street has to pay for it. This change has already cut down the use of cars. As they are heavily charged most of the people prefer to use the public transport. In Paris they invented a revolutionary  cycle system called VELIB. There are cycles available besides ever subway station. You swipe your card an take the cycle anywhere you want and park it anywhere they will be taken back to the nearest subway station. This has led to less and less use of taxis in Paris.

The concepts the world is using are very simple. They give top priority to cycles and public transport. Cycle slowly is becoming the coolest thing you can own to commute. It's most environmental friendly, a good exercise, the cheapest mode of transport and absolutely low maintainence. Making a city cycle friendly is not an easy job. Most of the cities I have mentioned above have took 20 to 30 years to become as good as they have. Gehl says we have to make small changes every year however insignificant they seem and after a period of time they turn into revolutionary changes.

I know we cannot ride a bicycle in our cities. I can especially talk about Pune. We donot have much respect for our cyclists, our cyclists are just not safe. I think Delhi,Bangalore and Mumbai do have a good public transport system. The Delhi metro is really impressive, I almost thought I was in london. Though Pune being such a big city has a really bad public transport system. We have an absolute disregard to our pedestrians population. Really, how does a sixty year old cross the road in Pune, is a big question nobody seems to ask. I mean we are called the retirement city for god sake.  All the city seems to do is build flyovers to accommodate traffic. Our cities are exactly at the stage where Newyork was some years ago. They have realised now that Robert Moses way just not sustainable. It will collapse. We have to learn from there mistakes because if we don't wake up soon, we are in for big trouble.

The simple truth is petrol will be non existent very soon if we don't alter our ways. The amount of loved ones we lose in accidents is increasing day by day. We have to start being creative and look for alternative measures. If we don't all we are going to be left with is the solar energy. There are a lot of NGOs working on making cities more environmental friendly. I think it's high time we start rendering our help not because it's noble and they need our help. Its exactly the other way round we as citizens need their help.

Jane Jacob must be looking up from the heavens and surely having a great big laugh, saying I told you so!.....I hope God gives us the strength and the wisdom!   



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Discovery of peace

Discovery of peace....

I hated wie complex when I came here for the very first time. I was from Mumbai and I loved everything about it. Coming to Pune at 9 years of age, I hated it. I slowly started training here knowing that there wasn't any other place to go if I wanted to play badminton. Complex had  a total of 4 courts that time. It had a history of hosting the greatest players of badminton likes of Prakash padukone and Nandu natekar etc. But at 9 yes you really don't care about the history. All you want is your surroundings to be normal and amongst people who know you.

The first 6 months in Pune were a disaster for me. As I was the new kid from Bombay I never got any support when I played tournaments against the local favourites. I always knew that if I get a point there will be just two pairs of hands clapping for me, my mom and dad. If I lose a point the 200 people present there would clap for my opponents. I used to sometimes cry even after winning just because the crowd never supported me.

  Though slowly pune, wie complex and it's people accepted me. I think as I started  doing well in the state and the national tournaments some recognition came. I went from being  a mumbaikar to  a punekar. I slowly settled down  and started  being loved and respected. The real change came when I started training under hemant hardikar in the Prakash padukone academy. I started loving it. Hemant sir made me flourish. I started doing exceptionally well and started playing for the junior Indian team just after two years of his training at 14 years of age.

Today after all these years I look back and realise how much I owe to the wie sports complex. Yes, I know I might sound a little crazy but it is the truth. Complex is the only place after home where I am truly at peace.  I work towards my dream, it's my space. Those Walls of the complex have seen me grow from a ten year old  till now. Yes, I know I make it sound like almost a living character. But strangely that's how much that place means to me.

I have been to train in various centres in Bangalore,London, Paris etc. I was in Bangalore for almost 5 to 6 years. I love the kba  courts  too but I could never connect with it the way I do with complex. It's almost a magical place for me. Where all my worries, inhibitions are lost. I live in a bubble. In the recent two years my knee has caused me some problems. Sometimes the pain gets too much and i go real down mentally. There's a corner in the complex where I sit down and cry, alone.  I look at the ceiling and console myself. The silence around consoles me, I remind myself about the past and get some strength out of it.

 Complex knows my story. It knows how hard I work, the pain I go through, and importantly how much I love the game.  The staff right from shinde kaka,dilip kaka, kalyani and everyone have celebrated my success as if it's there own.  As some of the members know I am going through a knee issue, they come up to me and give solutions. Right from Ayurvedic to orthopaedic. Austin uncle a great friend I met there gets me plum cakes which I absolutely relish. I would have never thought when I first came here that this place would be the place where I discover peace.

   Peace, is such an important word. One can go absolutely crazy without it.  When I have all these anxieties about life. Those questions about life of which answers are unknown,all I do is pick up my kit and go to complex. As I enter that space all my anxieties vanish. I kill myself on the court, relish the pain and when I lie down there dead tired, that moment I find peace. When I am so dead I cannot push anymore. I know not many people see that smile on my face, though those four Walls of the complex know that smile. They have seen it for quite sometime, now.


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The lady in yellow...!

The lady in yellow....

   She stands on the tiranga chowk wearing a whistle, a yellow cap and  a jacket that says 'save pune'.  I would see her everyday there on my way to practice and training. She stands there guiding vehicles, trying desperately to get their attention and make them stop on her blowing whistle. People hardly listen to her but she keeps the whistle blowing. She should be in her seventies, she's not taller than me and has her cut short. She isn't a traffic police woman, she voluntarily stands there to help out.

  I noticed her for a week. Earlier I too wouldn't really bother to her whistling as it's not really a very busy chowk. But then I really felt sorry for her, so whenever she wanted me to stop, I stopped until she again blew the whistle. Slowly we recognised each other , so we would smile at each other as I passed by.

  Some days passed and I still saw her there everyday, trying in vain to make people follow her whistle. One day I stopped my kinetic and went to her. I asked her if she would want a cup of tea. She looked at me as if I was from mars. When she asked me why?, I told her I just wanted to have a chat. She seemed a little sceptical but finally agreed.

 I took her to the tapri on the opposite side of the road, and ordered for two teas.
There was an awkward silence till the tea came. I was wondering what exactly was I supposed to do. Then I suddenly asked her, "why are you doing this?" She kept the tea cup down and said, " I have taken permission to do this from the local police, I can show you the papers if you want." ( i was surprised at her fluent english) I of course didn't mean to ask her this, I said, " Sorry, mam! I just was asking you generally. Why are you doing this? I mean nobody listens to you and you still stand there in this scorching sun." she took a while before she answered. In the meanwhile I realised I was too direct may be she's  annoyed. She said, " Have you seen the traffic in pune? People have no sense whatsoever about traffic rules. How is one supposed to cross this road? Tell me?  I don't know what's wrong with your generation. You people want to either be heroes or zeros. Not every one can be a Gandhi you know. Everyone one has to do just their share of work for the society. This is my share, trying to help in any small way I can. People don't understand to start a revolution we have start with doing small things well. Just like to stop when elderly people want to cross the road." I sure expected a answer, but it certainly wasnt supposed to be this deep and this long.  I didnt say much , we finished our teas. I thanked her for coming along, she finally gave me a smile and said bye. Before I said bye, I asked her name,she replied saying " I am Mary Desouza."

  After this we kept seeing each other everyday. Once a while I would take her to the tapri and have tea. Suddenly one day she told me to stop along the road. She came close and said ," would you like to have some real tea with me at my house?", I was a tad surprised though I couldn't say no I took down the address and went to her place on a Sunday afternoon.

 I was expecting an old building. Not exactly a very clean or a very modern house. A small flat, one bedroom and a kitchen for her and her hubby. But when I saw the building I kind of was taken aback. It was a really posh building, houses with big terraces and all. I rang the bell of 204 and a maid welcomed me saying ," come on in darling!, she will be right here with you." as I entered the flat I almost swallowed a litre of spit inside. The house was beautiful. It was a huge 3 bedroom apartment, with antique vases and paintings all around. There wasnt a speck of dust.  When suddenly Mary came in and told me to sit down. As I sat I said ," it's a damn cool flat, Mary." she replied saying, " ya, I just switched on the AC,that's why." , I laughed and told her what exactly I meant.  She put her hand on her forehead and cursed the young generation a little more.

   There were a lot of photos all around the place. I casually picked up one next to me and recognised the younger Mary in it. I complimented her on how beautiful she was, she took the picture in her hand and smiled and then said, " the girl beside me is kaira. We were " chaddi friends" in your terms. We spent such great times together. You remember the first day you asked me why I do this? In reality I do it for her." I gave her a puzzled look. " kaira died a year back at 70 years of age, while she was crossing the road. A young fellow on the bike came charging at her breaking a red signal. I stand there in the scorching sun hoping I could save someone's Kaira."  Small drops of water started accumulating in her eyes. She quickly wiped them off. " Enough of my stories, I don't know much about you come on tell me some of your stories." I tried to make her laugh and thankfully she did.

 After an hour or so it was time for me to leave. As I came to the door, she suddenly said, " I will see you soon tomorrow! It was nice having you here, Aditi." I turned around with my mouth open. ( in then ten times I have met her, she never had got my name right. She blamed it on her old age.)  She laughed, looking at me.
" See I am not that old after all. I remembered your name, this should be 'COOL' right"  I smiled. I looked at her and said, " ya this qualifies as cool. You Mrs. Mary Desouza are VERY COOL!" She smiled and kissed me good bye.

 That day I realised that being rich is not only about nice cars, nice houses and parties. It is also about missing a friend and standing on the road hoping she might be looking and smiling at you. We generally have a thing in our mind that rich are not really bothered about things happening around them as they know it's not going to make life any different for them. But Mary has changed that notion for me. Being a good friend is not really dependant on how much bank balance you have but how BIG a heart do you own.

"Thanks Mary!"...:):)


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Going back to the roots.......!!

Going back to the roots......!

  When Margaret Thatcher's lover had asked her hand for marriage she had replied saying, " I love you my darling. I really love you. But you have to understand  baby I will never be a normal wife. I believe that one's life should amount to something it cannot be a life lived in vain. I will not just live my life washing tea cups." This is one of the best lines I have heard.  It is something I really relate to.

 How does one's  life  amount to something? The answers may vary. For me it means to bring a change, a positive change around me. If I can change 'a' life or a thing around me it could solve my purpose.  When I was younger I would sit down with my friends and blame everything around me. I would criticise the system and I believed that we as a nation will never change. I know it's the easiest thing to do. It's said if you want to change the system you can do it only by being a part of it. It makes sense,  a lot of sense. All I know today are the outcomes. Poverty, illiteracy, unemployment etc are just the outcomes, the root of the problem lies much deeper, and I have no idea about it. Though I also think that change can be made without really being a part of the system. You can make donations, volunteer some of your time to help out etc. But then may be these are just temporary changes and may be not exactly be a solution.

   If I want to do things which amount to a visible change I need to first educate myself. For instance if I say I want to  change the way corporation school are run in India.  For this for starters I need to know who the education minister of India is? What are his policies? Why do we not have enough benches and stationery stuff in these schools? Why are the teachers not paid a good enough salary? I don't have an answer to any of these questions. Here I am taking about change when in reality I have no idea what it is that needs to changed. My dream just feels naive and childish.  A tree without strong roots will never grow. If the foundation is not strong enough anything that's built on it will not survive for long.

  Globalisation has it's good sides but it also has it's downside. It leads us to believe that just because we are a part of it we are growing. It's not necessary. For instance I know quite a bit about gucci, prada, Louis vitton,etc , at least I look at it with extreme awe and curiosity but do I share the same awe and curiosity about the Indian brands.( I cant list down the indian brands without googling it.). I don't think so. ( I am not a brand person at all. A Louis vitton bag has  it's famous symbol all over it and it can have chains made up of gold for all that i care,  but I cannot pay Rs.45,000 for it. My bag which costs around 500 bucks max does the same thing,  hold my money. Call it middle class mentality but life is simpler because of it. All a brand signifies for me is that either you are super rich or you have a super rich best friend.) There is nothing wrong in appreciating a gucci shirt but then you should also know that raymonds is the highest selling brand in india and it's not a foreign brand.

 Naseerudin Shah is undoubtedly one of the great actors in India. Recently he said in an interview, " Bollywood doesn't respect our heroes. Tell me how many movies are made on our national heroes, on our stories. Pick up any man walking on the streets of Bombay and you will have an inspirational story to tell. But no we are busy aping the west. For god sake we worship Gandhi but Hollywood made a movie on it and won the Oscar. " The man has a point. Thankfully though Bollywood is changing,  I watched paan Singh tomar and kahaani recently and I felt proud. SRK spent infinite crores on raone and made a fool on himself but a small budget film like chak de based on an original story gave him much more respect.

 I don't know how long will I take to educate myself. It might take me five or ten years, I don't know. I also don't know will I be able to change anything however minuscule it is. I think it's worth an attempt though. I am making a small start towards that attempt. I am going for a holiday to Gwalior.

 Gwalior is my native place. It's where I was born ,it's where my parents were born, it's  where they spent there majority of growing years.  Sadly that's all I know about the place. I never made an attempt as to what does Gwalior as a city signifies. What is it's history? What is the legacy of the Mutatkar's? I can't really change anything unless I know where I come from?

Roots is an important word. Some are scared, some are proud, some are ashamed while some have absolutely no clue about it.  Right now I stand neutral I don't have an emotion attached to it. It's time to find it. It's high time, I need to get back to my roots!!!!

Single.....at 24!

It's a major let down for my 12 year old friend who has a 15 year old girlfriend. He came up to me and told me, " tai, you are pretty useless. You are almost turning 30 now and you still don't have a boyfriend." I laughed more at how certain he was about me being useless, than the later part. He also told me some tips on how should I attract attention. It was pretty hilarious.

Mothers are born to worry. I think the worrying phase is at it's optimum when there daughter turns 24.  She goes, " god knows! When will you get married? Look at your friends everyone is getting engaged atleast by now. You here are busy hitting shuttlecocks. Hope you wake up!"  The more her tone gets serious the more I laugh. When she realises all her reasoning is making me laugh she throws in her trump card. " you have a younger sister, at least think about her.", and when she says this she almost has the puss in boots look in her eyes! ( if you guys have seen shrek). She sure looks cute, so I go and give her a hug but convinced I am not. Don't get me wrong my mom is pretty cool. She will never force me into anything, she has always let me take my decisions and I am sure she will also let me take this one. Though being a mother it's her birth right to worry about my marriage. I let her do it.

If it's not mother, there are 'the very emotional friends' asking you weird questions.  I recently went for a night out and just during our last coffee before sleeping we were discussing single hood. I was telling them I am in a very happy space and living life exactly the way I want to. They were telling me how nice it is to have that special

someone to share your life with. Then a friend asks me, " Aditi, when you go for dinner with your friends and you see them with their boyfriends, I know you are happy for them but I am sure you realise there's no one sitting next to you?" I didn't answer the question right away because if I had given her the answer she would have pulled my hair off. The answer to this is, " when I go for dinner the sole purpose of it is to enjoy my drink and that beautiful steak. Once I have fulfilled that the next thing is pull their legs as much as possible in front of their would be's! "  Though I didn't say this, I just gave her the expression that her question has forced me to think, when really I was thinking about that gorgeous steak.

I don't understand whats the big deal about. I know love is great and it changes your world. I have seen friends in love. The constant talking on phone,messaging. Getting angry for no real reason so that he tries hard to make you smile. The conversations they are having constantly through their eyes. The constant sulking of missing their partners when they are not around. It's all adorable and I am sure I want to experience all of that. Though it can't be because I am turning 25 this year, or because I am surrounded by happy couples and it's time to find someone.  I mean love can't be forced and it will happen when it has to. I can't be expected to feel sorry for myself.

Recently a relative send my dad a photo. Dad told me to check it out, the guy was fair with green eyes. I replied to dad saying, " Your daughter isn't katrina Kaif. Think about the future our baby will be so confused, he might have a black and a green eye. Let's save the future dad!"  my dad has not send me a photo since. Huh..... All of this is fun.  This one got my mom laughing too. As long as she is laughing.

24 th year on earth is pretty interesting. Suddenly people are trying to put pressure on me but it's not for my badminton, the area has changed. Though they forget I have handled pressure for all my life now and I know how to survive through it.

I know there is only one person who can handle single hood all his life, it's our very own Hanumanji!  I am nowhere near him, I am a mere mortal i know I will have to graduate to the next level soon. I promise, i will.  Stop worrying, my dearest mother!



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A shot at history - abhinav bindra

Winning or losing - excerpt from abhinav bindra's book, 'a shot at history.'

Winning is no one's birthright. There are no born winners,natural winners,destined winners. Look at me I was a chicken heart. I am not a natural competitor. On the starting line, I am scared. There was a time I even wanted to cry. Don't believe the movies because my life is not a sports film. I am not sea biscuit,I am not cinerella man. There is no uplifting soundtrack when I perform,no beautiful blonde watching, no last- minute,dusty,bleeding heroics that leave me victorious. But I learnt enough to win Olympic gold. Learnt to go deaf to everything,including my pounding heart,learnt to go blind to everything,expect the black blob of a target before me, learnt to find calm amongst chaos. When the time to win comes it's as if a mutiny begins within your body but if you have suffered in practice you don't fall apart. Pain brings trust. When I shot a 4 in the Olympic final during sighting shots ,it was numbing,but I overcame it because in my mind control had not flown.

Now I'm suffering again, I have to for no one has won Olympic gold in the 10 metre air rifle twice. I want to be that person. I am ready to be stripped naked in front of the world ,which is what it feels like when competition comes. I want to win also because I dont want to lose. I hate to lose because losing some days,important days is like a slow bleed within the chest.

People think I'm cool,in control,unperturbed,but they have no idea. My face is a lie. Losing is hell, losing turns you into a performance artist. From the moment you shake hands with the winner or go mumble a few words in his direction. Gestures matter, this is only fake war after all, but an intriguing theatre is being played out. The winner has a glow on his face and you wonder, is he empathising with me? Probably not. And are you,the loser,really happy for him right  at that moment? But you don't want to show yourself at that moment, don't want to allow your skin to be peeled away and reveal yourself.

So you wear a mask,it's like a shutter that descends with defeat. You don't want to get overwhelmed in public, you don't want to show disappointment,you dont want to show weakness, you are like some robot in pain. Everyone is watching you. The spectator is suddenly interested student of body language, he wants reaction, you don't want to give him any. It's a contest between voyeur and actor. Inside your are falling apart,but the mask imprisons emotion,it's wont let it out. The ego won't allow it.

I don't want to talk when I lose, I have already retreated to my private planet. I don't want to say a word, not to my parents not to anyone. At the press conference, questions come in a flurry." what went wrong?" are you disappointed? Is this a setback? The questions are fair, but you are in no mood to give an explanation, you don't even have an explanation yet, because clarity comes with coolness. So you fall into cliche. You keep the mask on. But then in the privacy of your room,it comes. A physical pain. A useless feeling. The mask is off, the mask is only a postponement of  hell.

Winning is slow,laborious,excruciating. It can't be hurried. The athlete especially when young leaps than stalls. You rise,plateau,rise,plateau, the further you ascend, the harder improvement becomes. To shoot 590/600 is quickly achieved then every additional point can take months a year,three. Then one day 593 is found, it is pleasing but caution lurks an Olympic medals requires at least 597.

And then without warning,it comes. Suddenly you shoot 597, then an entire sequence of 597 s. Exuberance arrives,it's akin to a feeling of weightlessness,the most profound,private,unfathomable triumph. But even here anxiety is creeping in through the brain. Will it stay? Next morning will it be there? By now both frustrated and fascinated,you have understood there's no finish line to greatness. The high score has to become routine, it has to be found on fever days, lethargic days,lousy days.

Winning demands honesty a sneering at the short cut. It allows no fooling of the self. I wear one fact like a badge I have never been late for practice. In the gym, in the range, lying is easy. Ah,what the hell, today we will cut practice by 10 minutes. Body's feeling weary. Just not into it. I'll do an extra 10 minutes tomorrow. Anyway I'm fit and shooting well. No big deal.

It's a big deal. It's about 10 mins more,not less. It's about swatting away excuse. One day a trainer miscounts my crunches and says good job,ten done. I am in pain there is no one else in the gym, no audience, no media,no competitor only the mirror. Yet I say, no I only did eight. Two more to go. This is being true this makes me feel strong,this is the extra bit that might bring me my medal. Later hours later I walk out of the gym and inhale the sun with victorious weariness. This is unseen world of the athlete, this only athletes understand. It's been a good day.

Winning in shooting demands  I have to be at full,undiluted throttle al the time in competition. I cannot play at 80 percent I cannot cruise I cannot just play the big points well I can't wait for a lesser bowler to come on. I have to find this best of mine from start to finish. I also know I cannot win all the time no one can,so even in defeat I take something positive away. Athletes need the internal comforting of the self because externally the world especially in India reduces the sport to it's basics. Medal or nothing. Winner or nobody. When you win once you must win constantly. When you don't you are dumped as a fluke . Criticism we wear,carry,shrug off,it's our daily bread. I am not searching for acknowledgement, aloofness is my protection. But younger athletes need rein enforcement from the community to hammer them is to hamper progress.

Elation over winning is easy,but respect for effort in defeat,for the hard journeys made,is often what athletes crave for.it's why when asked about my favourite athletes I have no names that you know,yet I have many heroes. You will find them speckling the fields of patiala and Bangalore and Pune where national athletes train, endeavouring in anonymity. They warrant respect because winnning is fine,but it is an outcome it is the pursuit of it that is fascinating. It is in committing to discipline, in offering sacrifice,in wearing disadvantage,that heroism lies. It is in the boxer waking at Dawn to punish himself the weightlifter scrapping her throat as she hauls up a bar over head all of them every morning trying to be that simplest things : the best they can be.

The hero is the district winner, the state champion,the national champion,for very medal of any weight requires effort. The hero is the athlete who won't even win any of this, for not everyone can. Because they still strive,he running for family,she swimming for country,sometimes not given a lucky break,missed by a selector,bereft of sponsor,absent of mentor. But unshakable from their task,taking the leap,confronting shortcomings. This is man at his best, invisible, unacknowledged , still pushing to do the deed amidst hardship. This athlete is never irrelevant ,he has still won. He has pride and it is only found with everything given.

The hardship Indian athlete face, the once-frequent but now reduced traumas of equipment,coaches,facilities,toughens us. Mentally weaker, we aren't. Mental strategy perhaps we lack. When inevitably pressure arrives like a g-force, like a tractor sitting on your chest, how do you handle it? Indian athletes have the potential to manage it, we are not always taught how to. It's a skill undeveloped, it hasn't been  planned for, a psychology not adequately worked on.

In Munich, i am caught in a five shot shoot off with nine shooters for two Olympic places. I find courage. I come second. I am on my way to London. I don't know if I can win there. But I now have the licence to dream, at least, that I can win there. My form needs work, but it's ok. I am learning. I am Learning to suffer again.

Mocktail Girl!!

Yes!yes! I don't drink sharab. Any kind of it not even a breezer. I have not touched it, sipped it, licked it, etc.  I have never been curious about it nor do I think I miss anything important. Due to which my friends call me boring, stupid, stubborn and what not. They also believe that its one of the components of having no boyfriends. (which I think is unfair because I have no issues if my guy is a responsible drinker)  I know they all love me (I love them too) and mean well so I listen to all of them but don't do anything about it.  I don't think I ever will.

I am not a very religious person and religion has never stopped me from doing anything. So religion is not it! I know gone are the days when alcohol drinkers were not so open about being sharaabi or people especially women drank secretly worried about "what others would say"! Women today are as good drinkers as men, and they do it without any apologies which I love. It's great actually it's undoubtedly the best times to be a woman.  We are working hard and partying harder.

When I was younger ( I am still ver young) I felt I was the best person in the world. I took myself too seriously. As I grew , travelled the world I realised I am just one of the decent people in the world. I started laughing at my notion of being the best person alive. Similarly with alcohol, I had no doubt in my mind that people who drank it had no moral values. They were jobless and with no aims in life. Bollywood can hamper a child's mental progress I tell you. I was that stupid only because of all the movies I saw in the 90's. I don't really remember aai-baba ever discussing alcohol with us. But  in a middle-class Marathi family, your father being a banker , mom being a teacher you just grow up thinking alcohol drinking is prohibited. I never saw my parents drinking neither too many people around me. ( i think dad gulps down a few sips, without mom knowing, which is ofcourse not true mom knows everything !) So alcohol was never a part of the thinking process.

Ofcourse all my stupid notions of people who drink alcohol has changed. I know the best people in the business drink. Most of my friends drink and they are really good people. They are as wise as funny or as intelligent as a non drinker. I am no one to judge anyone on the choice of their drink. To put things in perspective the most I have laughed is when my friends around are drunk and they have lost their guard.  Alcohol they say is all about losing control, about being happier,  about losing all your inhibitions and what not, i am sure it's all of it.

So after all this chatter, why don't I drink? It's very simple for me actually. I know alcohol is bad for your body.(all the more if you play a sport)  It can kill you. It's a scientifically proven fact and there's no two ways about it. It's not like the question, ' does god exist?'. Alcohol can and if not in controlled measures will kill you.  In the NGO I help out most of the fathers are drunkards abuse their children and hit their wives black and blue. I have seen lot of people use alcohol as a solution to all the problems and in the bargain increasing the problems all the more.I have met innumerable women who go through hell especially so in the poorer sections of society.  There are hundreds of cases you hear of drunk driving and prices people have to pay for it.   I see their bereaved families and I get all the more angry and disgusted.  People getting drunk and making a tamasha and ruining your party is pretty irritating too.

I don't think personally I need alcohol to have fun or be happy ,or happening for that matter. Period! I don't want to make it sound like I am some great freedom fighter  but I take me being a mocktail person as a silent and personal revolt against all the women I have seen suffering and the loved ones I have lost because of it.  ( I know my friends might think this is the most idiotic thing I have ever said, but I will take the risk,  it's the truth.  Sadly ,You are friends with an idiot deal with it. :) :) )

They say , "never say never".  I always say one day when I have achieved everything that i want to or if someone really special asks me to, I will have that first drop of the forbidden drink, that so many people love and can die for. Till then  I am just really happy being a 'Mocktail Girl' !